


Todd in London

by Maels (queen_ypolita)



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: 5000-10000 Words, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-21
Updated: 2004-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 13:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_ypolita/pseuds/Maels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After leaving Weatherfield in less than pleasant circumstances, Todd is getting used to his new life in London.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Todd in London

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Todd's exit from Corrie (22 September 2004).

Todd closes his eyes for the fifteenth time, determined to go to sleep this time. But it's not working, his mind is still buzzing and the nightly noises from the street, so different in London from the ones in Weatherfield, and the still unfamiliar room make sure that if anything, he's more wide awake than he was a minute ago.

It's his fifth night on the sofa and his neck has been killing him for the past three days. But he's grateful that he's been allowed to kip on the sofa, otherwise he wouldn't know what to do. Try to find a B&amp;B or something and end up spending the little money he's got before he's found a job and a more permanent place to stay. He's grateful for Mark for letting him stay (grateful to Mark's three housemates too who haven't complained that he's taken over the living-room sofa). Mark has been very good about everything, he thinks, especially as Todd did ring him rather out of the blue. They went to school together, were matey but not very close, didn't really keep in touch when Mark got his string of As in his exams (which nobody had predicted for him, and nobody, not even Mark himself, expected him to get) and moved out of Weatherfield to fulfil his dreams. Mark rang him around Christmas, it's the last time they met before this, he had got bored with staying with his parents and had wanted company. So they went for a drink and discovered they no longer had anything to talk about. There was never another attempt to stay in touch. Until now that is.

But Mark's been very good. He's been helping Todd to find a job and a place to stay and has promised that Todd can stay at least another week. He's confident that they'll find something for Todd by then. Todd isn't feeling quite that confident at the moment. He has contacted several hospitals, looking for work as a porter or a cleaner but nothing's come up yet. And finding a place to stay when you haven't got a job isn't definitely easy, it's not an attractive quality in a prospective tenant/housemate/flatmate. And Mark hasn't ask too many questions and Todd is grateful for that too. He's not ready to talk about what happened during his last week in the Street, it's too painful and makes him want to break something or hit someone or shout to someone if his thoughts wander over those events.

He wishes he'd able to sleep, everyone else in the house is sleeping. He's feeling a bit lonely, maybe it's the drink he's had tonight.

Tomorrow it's again job-hunting, flat-hunting, hoping that having things to do keeps his mind away from Jase… and Sarah… what they said and did… and from the feeling of the Street closing in on him. It reminds him of a nightmare he had in the early days after Billy's funeral, the funeral was going on but suddenly the church became a huge forbidding courtroom, him standing accused in the middle of it and seeing the walls starting to fall on him…

He tries to shake the thoughts away. It'll be fine eventually. He'll find a job and a place to stay and maybe can go back to college here. Thinking about college doesn't improve his mood now, it only reminds him of how good it felt to be back, how exciting, how for once his life seemed full of promises and opportunities. But not any more. Maybe this will be another year wasted in a dead-end job and maybe he's not up for going back to school any more after it…

Tiredness finally takes over and he sleeps, heavy dreamless sleep, getting a short break from his thoughts and memories.

* * *

Todd sits down on his bed and has a look around his room. The room has been his only for about a day and it doesn't really feel like home yet. It's pretty small, with only the essential furniture, a bed, a desk and a chair, and it has clearly seen better days in the more or less distant past. But it's his room, he can afford it and it comes with three rather nice housemates. Most importantly, it's only a short way from the hospital where he started working earlier today.

It's hospital portering again and he's knackered. His first day was tough, but first days always are. The other porters seemed OK and he's confident that he'll soon learn the ropes; after all, he's been a hospital porter before, he knows he can do it. He's not particularly fazed by the horror stories his housemate Jamie, a fellow porter, has been telling him. He just laughs and pretends to be nervous.

In addition to Jamie, he's sharing the house with two women who also work in the hospital. Adele, the oldest in the house, is a midwife. Todd isn't sure why she's living in a rundown house with people ten (or, in his case, fifteen) years younger than herself but he doesn't want to pry. After all, he has been in the house for less than two days and he's sure he'll get to know everyone better in due time. And he hasn't told them everything about himself yet. Of course they were curious to know why he's decided to change his life so suddenly but in a way, none of them thought it was strange for him to have packed his bags and set out for London – after all, Jamie and Ella, who is the fourth person in the house, have both done it. And Todd got the impression that Adele has as well, but he isn't sure. Anyway, Todd is sure he'll get on with everyone, although he hasn't really have had time to talk to Ella yet, in fact he's spent longer talking to Ella's girlfriend Lisa who doesn't live in the house. Ella is a nurse who has started working in the A &amp; E fairly recently but Todd doesn't have any idea of what Lisa does for a living. Stifling a yawn, he thinks he doesn't really care either.

Todd jumps when Jamie walks in into his room. They're all going out tonight, Mark is coming as well and Jamie wants to know when Todd will be ready. He pushes his thoughts out of his mind and follows Jamie downstairs.

* * *

Todd yawns, he's been yawning all the time he's been up, he's rather tired, he's got a splitting headache and he's definitely not looking forward to going to work in about an hour. They had a good night out with Mark, Jamie, Ella and Lisa. They all ended up overdoing it a bit, Todd was probably the worst of all them, he's badly out of practice with nights out. That is, if he ever was in. Even tiny Ella managed to drink him under the table, Ella who's probably an inch if not two shorter than Sarah and at least a stone lighter. Todd wondered aloud how a little thing like her copes with everything in the A &amp; E and she just laughed and pushed her frizzy red hair out of her eyes. So she's probably a lot tougher than she looks. Todd thought Mark quite fancied her initially, before realising that she was with Lisa. Todd has to smile at the memory. Mark had been totally cool with everything, it was just the moment when it dawned on him that he'd gone out with a lesbian couple and two gay blokes and not the one gay bloke he had expected that he was clearly slightly shocked and uncomfortable.

It's new to Todd as well, not to be the only gay person present, not to be the only one who's different. He has only ever got to know two other people who are gay, Karl and Sean; he's still marvelling at the thought that in this house being gay is the norm rather than the deviation. When Sean was staying with the Grimshaws he discovered that it can occasionally make a difference, at times they united against Jason and had a laugh at his expense. He guesses it was a reason why Jamie wanted another bloke about the house, he even said something about 'redressing the balance' or something.

He glances at his watch, he's still got a few minutes before he has to go. He digs an old paper from the floor next to the sofa, opens it but doesn't really have the energy to read what's printed on the pages. His thoughts drift back to his phone call to his mother earlier. It has been getting increasingly difficult to talk to her on the phone. During the past week he has found he is able to put everything out of his mind and concentrate on the now, the present, but talking to her, listening to her worried questions, would-be casual gossip about the neighbours. 'Please come back, we can sort all this out,' is always just beneath the surface although she hasn't said the words since his second or third day in London. At least he doesn't have to deal with her worry of him not finding a job or a place to stay. They have been replaced about her worries about his housemates. He's glad she hasn't seen the house and he knows that soon she'll be worried about him wasting his talents in yet another dead-end job. Partly to distract her, partly because the time has come to sort out his chances of going back to college in London, he asked her send him his books.

Talking to her also reminds him of the plans he had when he returned to school. He wishes now that he'd never let Oxford back into his thoughts, he'd started wanting it again, going to Oxford and also believing that it could be within his reach to get in, his tutor encouraging him…

Jamie interrupts him once again, wondering when he's working today. Todd checks the time, he should be on his way. Another day in the hospital is about to start, another day in his life blown off the course he had intended.

* * *

After his shift he's knackered. It was a fairly busy day, he was kept on his feet for the most of the time. And, he flushes when he thinks about it, although by now he's beginning to see the funny side of it, he got lost, not once but twice. Twice!! He thanks his lucky stars that it didn't happen when he was pushing patients around the corridors. At times it feels like the place is a labyrinth people for some strange and inexplicable reason have started calling hospital, he thinks, and sniggers.

Coming home after work he collapsed on the living-room couch. Jamie was there, channel-hopping, but not really trying to find something worth watching. They got talking and Todd found himself telling Jamie pretty much everything. Why he is in London. What happened in June and what bearing does it have on what happened and why during his last week or two in the Street. What happened to him from March to May. What happened to him almost exactly a year ago. He didn't tell everything but enough for Jamie to get a pretty accurate idea of his life during the past year. Jamie listened carefully, riveted and, Todd thinks, seemed to understand. At least as much as he could, not knowing Todd very well and not knowing everything. He said something about his coming out, not much, but enough for Todd to gather that Jamie felt he'd got off fairly lightly, although a small town and hostile parents had apparently entered into the equation.

Later, lying in bed, Todd discovers that he feels much better now that he's told Jamie, it's like drawing poison out of a wound. He knows that Jamie could never fully understand, not having met him until now… someone like Karl might have. But he, too, is history now. History out of choice, really. And speaking of history, when he was telling Jamie the story of the past half year, he realised with a jolt that that it was a whole year since he kissed Nick. It feels a lifetime ago, the Todd who kissed Nick was totally different person from the Todd who is lying on this bed in this shabby house in London. He doesn't know any more what he was expecting when he did it, probably some sort of moment when everything would make perfect sense. Well, he was wrong, kissing Nick caused more problems than it solved; there was never a moment when things made perfect sense until he slept with Karl. And even that created a whole host of new problems. He wonders what would have happened had he met Karl before he found himself kissing Nick. Would things have been any easier? Maybe he wouldn't have been quite that scared to explore things a little, wouldn't have persuaded Sarah to keep the baby, wouldn't have asked Sarah to marry him. But maybe Karl wouldn't have fancied him in the same way had there been no secret.

Todd sighs. There's really no point to wallow on the past, it has happened, there's nothing he can do to change it. At the time he didn't see how he could have done things any differently. Some of it he can now handle, actually, most of it, but what happened before he left… it still hurts. He comforts himself that leaving in that situation was certainly the best thing to do, for him. Turning to his side, he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

* * *

He has just spent most of the time he hasn't been working trying to sort out the future of his education, whether he could still enrol in a sixth-form college and sit his A-levels without having to wait for a year. He feels totally frustrated, it just doesn't appear possible to do anything about it now. He's aware of the need to work full-time to support himself, besides, he's barely been in the job for a week, he can't be asking to pick and choose his shifts and hours. But he did make roundabout enquiries about the possibility to work more fixed shifts, he knows there are a couple of porters who do that for various reasons. But even if he manages to sort out his job, there's the fact that he would have to attend the lessons and to keep on top of the coursework, and he's not sure if he can, working full-time. Does he want to exhaust himself completely before Christmas?

Why is it always his life that gets fucked up, he wonders, suddenly feeling incredibly pissed off. Well, of course it was his decision to leave Weatherfield when everything got too much. And it was his decision to walk out of his exams originally which is one reason he's still having to deal with getting qualifications for uni.

But had it not been for Jason… and Sarah… he might still live in Number 11, concentrate on passing his exams and his Oxford application. Everything would be familiar and secure and ordinary. But then he remembers some of the things Jason said… how could he? Fair enough, that's Jason, if something seems to be on offer, he will grab it, no thought saved for the consequences. It's always other people who'll have to deal with consequences, Jason will always find excuses why he did anything he shouldn't have, why everybody else is overreacting, why everybody else is always the drama queen. And that comment about Billy… Todd could have killed him for that. He wanted to, now he almost wishes he had. But how would that have helped? It's not easy to forget something like that, especially when it comes from your brother. Who's supposed to be on your side.

What about Sarah then? Not over it to talk to him normally, not letting him to see Bethany and messing with the little girl's head but definitely over it to throw herself at the first available bloke. Todd isn't sure whether he should think about her as a little girl lost, a girl who has a tragic life or a selfish spiteful cow who knew exactly what she was doing. Well, she sneered at him about being gay… doesn't she understand that it's not quite as simple as that? Todd wouldn't be surprised if she could only be happy if he was rotting away in hell – but he doesn't quite understand why she can't put it all behind; it's almost as if she clung to the title of 'poor little mistreated Sarah'.

He knows he won't be ever going back there. Maybe he'll visit, when enough time has passed. The Street doesn't forget. And because it doesn't forget, it doesn't let you forget either, he thinks. He wishes he could sever his ties with the Street completely, but knows he couldn't do it to his mother. She needs him, needs to know how he's doing… and it's just a small price to be paid for his current freedom.

* * *

It has been Todd's first day off. And a good thing it was, he thinks, having spent the previous night celebrating Jamie's 24th birthday. They had a great time. Fair enough, there were a couple of minor issues, like Jamie getting upset when Todd was snogging a bloke he, Jamie, had thought he quite fancied. Todd hadn't known it until Jamie made a scene, then when it was over it had become obvious Jamie had had one too many, he started crying and was generally so unsteady on his feet that Todd was forced to look after him. When Jamie saw the bloke snogging someone else a little later he forgave Todd.

Getting up and not having anything special to do, he wandered downstairs and found himself on the couch, watching Adele ironing her clothes. It was the first time he'd really sat down and talked to her properly. In the end, she did most of the talking, he mostly listened. What she said explained a lot, like why she was leading the kind of life she was.

It was only afterwards that he realised there were certain parallels between her life and his. She had been married when very young, her man had got into trouble with police and she hadn't wanted to lie for him which had got her into the bad books of his family and the whole neighbourhood. She had left school without sitting her exams, not because she didn't like school or couldn't do it but because of her commitment to her relationship with the bloke. In the end she had packed her bags and left everything in her old life behind, got a job, gone back to school, then trained as a midwife. Now she is in the job she wants to be, leads the life of her choice, but she acknowledged that going through all that has maybe scarred her for life… people forget but certain things never really go away. Todd wishes he'll make a better go at rebuilding his life but he's too young to believe that everything in his life would always be tainted by the more painful events of the past six months.

He knows that running away – which is pretty much what he did – can only be a temporary solution. In fact it isn't a solution at all. But he supposes things could be a lot worse than they are now… He's getting angry again but feels at the same time how pointless it is. He decides to go for a walk, maybe it'll help him calm down.

* * *

He has been busy all week, trying to sort out college matters. Everything looks more promising now, he's starting on Monday. He has no idea if it's going to work but he's been able to reach some kind of compromise both with the headmaster and his boss. A mate of Mark's has promised to help him as much as he can, Todd knows he has already missed nearly a month with his sudden move down south. With a bang he remembers that if he was applying to Oxford this year, the closing date for applications would be at hand. No Oxford for him this year. And maybe never. But who knows, there have been so many changes in his life that nobody would be silly enough to start making predictions.

He knows he should ring his mother with the good news but talking to her is just getting harder and harder. He's talked to Sean every now and then, he'll get the same Street gossip and a chance to have a laugh. He misses Sean, at least a little.

Today Sean let slip that Karl is seeing someone else. Then he refused to say another word, so Todd's not really sure what he meant – that Karl is seeing someone, someone more or less special, or just slept with people. Either way, it shouldn't matter to him any more, but it did sting a bit. Todd hasn't forgotten that it was his decision to put an end to things with Karl in August. Maybe one day he won't regret it any more, won't regret that he never really gave them a chance. But it's another thing that's in the past, he can't change it and deep down he's pleased that Karl's life is getting somewhere. Maybe his own will too, one of these days.

* * *

His first day back in college drained him of all energy. It's not a very good college, he can see that, but he can't pick and choose at the moment. One day was enough to demonstrate that he needs to put in a lot of effort to catch up with everything, consequently he's spent every free minute he's had studying. He smiles wryly to himself, he wouldn't have got anything done today had not Jamie been doing extra hours all weekend and Ella on nights and demanding to have some peace and quiet in the house during the day to be able to sleep.

He still hasn't told his mother about college. She has been trying to ring him but he's been avoiding answering, with job and college as good excuses to keep his mobile on silent.

* * *

In about two weeks he finds himself settled for a routine that would easily defeat someone less stubborn, less determined to make it work. Hospital, college, coursework, college, coursework, hospital, hospital, coursework, college. In between he tries to eat and sleep, there are frequent tutoring sessions with Chris, the helpful mate of Mark's, and at times Jamie drags him away from his books to watch a video, to have a drink, anything to remind him of the life a young man like him is supposed to be having. And when everything gets too much, Adele is always there, supporting and encouraging and making a cup of tea.

After a month the house feels like home, he's almost forgotten he's ever lived somewhere else. He knows what his housemates are like when they've just got up early in the morning, after a shift from hell at work, when they're happy, drunk or pissed off. He has got used to the loud explosive fights Ella and Lisa have at least once or twice a week, when he hears them go off he just shrugs and ignores the noise. The fights are followed by equally intense making up, which always sends Jamie on a flight from his room which is next door to Ella's. His favourite refuge is Todd's room. The first couple of times he got on Todd's nerves when he was trying to study, these days Todd finds that he can concentrate although Jamie is sprawled on his bed, or sitting cross-legged on the floor. Jamie usually picks up the nearest book and starts reading it and if he wants to put on music, he always asks politely and isn't upset if Todd says no. One time though he refused to leave for the night because the making up was still going on, he had to get up early and all. Todd tried to persuade him but couldn't, so Jamie ended up sleeping in his bed. The result: a very uncomfortable night for both of them and a story to attach to the plea to the girls to sort out their differences at times that allow Jamie to sleep in his own bed, undisturbed. They just giggled and looked at one another and ignored the plea.

There's nothing going on between him and Jamie, though. They're just mates, becoming very good mates. And that's the way Todd wants to keep it. He doesn't feel ready to start seeing anyone just yet and he's so busy there wouldn't be time for that any way. Although he does fancy Chris which occasionally makes it rather difficult to concentrate on what he's supposed to be doing when he is at Chris's being tutored.

He glances at his mobile and wonders whether he should ring his mother. Eileen rang a few days ago, sounding very upset that Todd had never told her that he had finally sorted out his college troubles, that had it not been for Sean saying mentioning like it was old news she still wouldn't know. He had spent five minutes apologising and had had trouble sleeping that night. It was never his intention to upset her, make her feel like she doesn't matter to him any more, but she always mentions Jason, always – even when she doesn't say it aloud, always expects him to say that he's coming back soon, that everything will be all right. He knows things won't be alright the way she wants them, not for a very long time to come and wishes that she would see it too. There are things that can't be fixed, no matter how hard you try and this is one of them. He decides against phoning, wonders idly whether he should confide in Sean and ask him to talk to her… but it's not really easy to do that on phone and besides he likes the way things are between him and Sean, light-hearted, with heavy stuff usually left out.

* * *

Two days later he's less sure where he and Jamie stand, trying to get away from Jamie's bed without waking him. Jamie dragged him out for a couple of drinks after work and for some reason they ended up sleeping together. It seemed a perfectly good idea at the time but now… how are you supposed to deal with the fact that you've slept with a housemate you like but don't fancy and who, as far as you know, doesn't fancy you, he wonders. Do you just pretend it never happened? Or do you just shrug and say, 'oh well, now we've tried that and it was rather good, but let's forget it, shall we'? He feels completely out of his depth. He's just glad that he didn't wake Jamie, didn't have to face him just yet and that he'll have a long tough day at work ahead of him, giving him time not to think about it and clear his head.

After work he's calmed down considerably. He can now admit that it was rather good. And although he's pretty sure he won't go to bed with Jamie again, he wouldn't mind sleeping with someone. Like Chris for example.

He's surprised to discover that he's less mad about Sarah and Jason now… it's somehow easier to see that he did over-react, it was evidently just sex for them. Although he doesn't easily forget some of the things that were said that morning, thinking about them together doesn't quite sting like it did earlier. It's not like he's been wanting to sleep with Sarah for a long time, that wore off ages ago, but just because he doesn't want her any more doesn't mean he likes the idea of her with someone else, not like that, especially at that moment in time, at that stage in his relationship (or the wreck of it) with her. Although it feels easier to think about all that now, he doesn't regret leaving one bit. If he went back, he would be soon upset with not being allowed to see Bethany, with everyone knowing everything about what happened – or thinking they know it all. The memories of the past few months of his life would suffocate him once more.

No, he's happy here – at least as happy as he can be at the moment. He's not sure how his thoughts digressed to that topic when he was thinking about Jamie. Jamie hasn't mentioned it, he's been treating Todd as he did before which has both reassured him and made him realise how new to all this he is.

* * *

Todd wakes up feeling warm and fluffy inside, at first not quite sure why. He glances at his alarm clock, no need to get up just yet. He's looking forward to the day, college but day off from work, studying with Chris… and maybe not just studying. He smiles inwardly at the thought. A week ago he was just acknowledging to himself that he fancied Chris. But he wasn't sure if he ever had a chance. Last night he found that he had.

It's funny, he thinks, sometimes it feels he's known Chris for ages. Chris is funny and good-looking and bright and his enthusiasm about Todd's coursework is infectious. Todd would have wavered under the weight of it long ago, had it not been for Chris. Initially Todd was wary of using so much of Chris's time but Chris convinced him he enjoys being know-it-all for lost little boys, just like Todd, and has more than enough time for his own studies when Todd's working or at college.

It took him a while to realise that Chris actually reminds him of Karl. Not lookswise, Chris has darker longer hair and slightly hooky nose that Todd finds endearing. But the gentle teasing, the general attitude to life. But when Chris turns over to his side and opens his eyes Todd forgets his musings.

He feels very happy right now. So happy that it almost scares him, he's not used to it. But then he shrugs and tells himself that being so happy means that he has made some good decisions in his life, although he never knew they would come into anything at the time…

_The end._


End file.
